rabbi grice 25 Apr 2006, 21:03
El Rabbiachis Prague Pilgrimage
Well some of you may know, and some of you may not that I had a job interview last week in Prague for a contact centre manager job. As I was on my billy, i made notes of what happened for a thorough blog. Read thru for the revelation...Day One (Wed): Proved to myself I shouldnt be allowed out without my carer by nearly missing my flight. Positioned nicely in front of the departure board with my book and my tabs, I was quite happily relaxing watching the 23 minutes to departure sign regularly blink at me. until it pointed out it was last call. apparantly it was gate 23 and i had 3 mins to get to my flight. so i did what any self respecting bloke did, and logged on for a satisfying dump. managed to make it onto the plane with the staff taking the piss out of me, but fuck em, im making a big (albeit mistimed) step
Had my interview that afternoon, where they upgraded the job i was applying for from trainer to manager, and went for a few pints. managed to turn a goth bar into an indie bar and get free drinks all night, so by 10 i was mortal, so decided to go see my russian cutie special friend. had the crack with her for a couple of hours until her manager bollocked her for not working, so arranged to meet her the next day. then played dress up with another dancer - its fair to say she looked better in my suit jacket, tie and her bra than i did when she forced me to wear her see through top (tho i did look damn good) Pretty marvellous day really.
Day Two (Thurs): Went to meet Beeanna (russian cutie) but she wasnt there. bit of a downer as we were having good crack everytime i saw her, but as it was 27 degrees, went and chilled on an island on the river and caught some sun (rays, not gary glitter style) and tried not to let it get me down. Aranged my interview for the following day, but found out i didnt have a fucking clue about the job, and rather than blag it like i do everything else i decided to research it (fucking boring so wont go into details) and had an early night as interview was at 8am english time
day three (fri):headed out in good time for interview - suited and booted, shiny shoes, tan, all gravy really. shame i didnt bring a map or fucking compass... walked for an hour and swear to god i ended up in gateshead. so missed my interview, had no tabs and realised i was in the ghetto. fuck fuck fuck. after 3 hours ended up at the hostel, so got changed and headed to the island to reflect. came to prague to get a hot gf and a good job. sadly, the chuckle brothers do a better job. went to meet my mam at the airport as she flew over for a couple of days to see prague (a bit of background - my mam has been an alcoholic for 13 years, and needless to say i dont like her - but at this point i needed some familiar company to make my situation seem better) during the day was fine, it was hot, i could vent my spleen a little, and chill, but as with all alcoholics, leave em for an hour and theyll be pissed and angry. my night got worse with rants and kick offs in my direction, so headed back to the hostel to mope
from the happiest i had been in years on wed to the most depressed on fri. 72 hour turn around - quite impressive - even souness took weeks to turn newcastle round...
day four (sat): went on a boat trip which gave me a chance to think about life, about how shit my life is in newcastle and how everything in my life sucked. continued to mope until 10 o clock that night, when i thought fuck it, im 1500 miles away so might as well get lashed. after all its what i do best. sitting in a bar i regularly go to, with 2 fit dancers gyrating at me as i was the only customer, i finally snapped and went text mad. i had enough money to go clubbing or go see beeanna, as i needed to find out what happened on thursday. or get lashed and dance to the scatman. i got random advice of ppl and still didnt get a conclussion, but decided to go clubbing to clear my head, and could go to a cash point.
the club was packed, and i danced for a bit, but on your own you look like a bit of a freak doing the ymca to grease. thats when you know your pissed. so i headed downstairs to the room with the punching machines wanting to get shot of some testosterone. i walked down, and there was 20-30 blokes standing round all hitting it. after watching for a few minutes getting quite high scores, i pushed through, put my money in, put my pint down, turned round and twatted it, easily beating everyone else by 40 points.
i presume their foreign mumbling was "fucking hell, who is that monster with the worlds hardest punch" although its more than likely it was "we could take that fat cunt". walking on air, i wandered into the night, and made a snap decision to go see my russian. walking in, she was at the far side of the room. i sat down with a beer bricking myself, and seemed to wait for an eternity for her to come over. she walked over, winked and smiled at me and walked off. feeling utterly dejected and pissed off i started talking to peter the doorman who 2 weeks before had helped in a fight with 12 swedes. he offered me a door job when i moved over, which i was considering until i saw the size of the other guy. this guys arms were 3 times the size of mine, and i have pretty big arms. he was on steroids and seemed nice enough, but i wouldnt wanna fuck with him. better with than against i suppose.
beeanna came over, and explained that she really liked me but could be sent home at anytime (to russia, not an early finish) and didnt wanna get attached as it would hurt too much. this kinda kicked me when i was down, and a random guy bought her a drink so she was obliged to drink with him which left me on ma billy. the barmaid came over and did her best to cheer me up, including offering me a free private dance. i reluctantly agreed (for me anyway) when she brought out a little teddy which she danced round the bar and flashed under its dress to me. this actually did cheer me up strangely... maybe i have a toy fetish...
i decided to go see beeanna, to say buy as she was away from the random dickhead (he could have been cool but tonight he was a dickhead), she was mortal at this stage, apologising and explaining over and over (russian/german/english is hard at the best of times, let alone drunk) but i kinda realised it was the end, then she kissed me, which freaked me out as thats a big no no in strip clubs and the beast of a bouncer was about, but i decided fuck it, this is great. i would love to say i did her on the floor surrounded by candles, but she was called away. this was just too hard to take so i walked out, said my da svedanias, and walked into the night. possibly wise as my flight was in 4 hours, but possibly unwise as i didnt want to go
it was at some point in this holiday i had an epiphany. my life has been treading water with work, love, money etc for a few years. i have been at my happiest when in prague - it was like we were made for each other (beer is 11p after all in supermarkets) and beeanna or not, prague is for me. with the doorman job on offer, and my mate tony has said he can get me touting work (and wants me to be part of the live sex show with some birds - tho i think its more comedy value than anything else) i have employment opportunities there
so its with that ill be leaving on 1st of August.
i'm going to miss you xx